“In a…tough commercial market, we don’t have time.”Nigel Pickard, ITV Director of Programmes, on comedy and ITV
To the tune of “Busy doing nothing”
We’re busy doing nothing, coining it all day through,
Trying to find lots of shows not to do.
We’re busy making money, isn’t it such a crime?
We’d like to make good programmes but…
We never do have the time.
We have to find celebrities, to push the ratings up,
And keep recycling old shows - we don’ t know when to stop.
Better keep the viewers cheerful, they’re really a stupid lot,
Chat show, crap show, we only have time for schlock.
We’re busy doing nothing, coining it all day through,
Trying to find serious shows not to do.
We’re busy going to meetings, isn’t it such a crime?
We’d like to make good programmes but…
We never do have the time.
We don’t like document’ries, we know they’ll never swim,
So we’ll polish up the soaps, ‘coz they’re looking rather dim.
We told our friend the banker we’d buy him a brand new Merc:
Game show, reality show, we never have time to work.
We don’t do high-end drama, now Forman’s had his day.
We’re no longer controversial: we’re always bright, not gay.
And we must audition starlets, be sure they’re obscene on cue…
Ofcom, scoffcom - no regional shows to do.
We’re busy doing nothing, coining it all day through,
Trying to find cheaper shows just for you.
We’re busy going downhill, isn’t it such a crime?
We’d like to make good programmes but…
We never do have the time.
Hustle, bustle…
We never do have,
we never do have, we never do,
never do, never do, never do,
never do have the time, never do have the time.
(Which is why you all watch the other channels…)
