Don't bother
Oddly parochial story from 'The Scotsman'
All of you people left without access to ITV, Channel 4 and five on Sky will be very pleased to discover that you can pay a private company £20 to get these channels back after a long break where you didn't notice their absence.
This superb offer - giving you television you don't need for more money than you really want to spend - will create 100 low-paid jobs for unfortunate Scots people in a new-style dark satanic mill in a previously unknown place called "Kirk Northropcaldy".
Both of ITV's viewers are said to be pleased. five's viewer was unavailable for comment. Michael Green is unwell.
