Brownlegg at Large: The Introduction 

1 November 2000 tbs.pm/3058

It’s time to meet Captain Thomas M Brownlegg CBE, DSO, Stoat, RN (Ret’d) for the first time.

Despite having died in 1968 or 1969 – it probably didn’t matter to anyone other than him which one it was, and even then it’s a fine point – the good Captain has grown concerned about the state of Independent Television and the moral decline of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and the Lesser Places.

Awaking from his ‘slumber’ six feet below the ground, our Tommy moves into the London Eye (that was satirical back in April 2001, honest) where he installs a blazing hearth, a drinks trolley and a woman called ‘Margaret’ – his wife, who says very little due to doctors orders and advanced alcohol-related problems of her own – to wait upon him.

Determined to do a grand tour of ITV to find out what’s going on, he re-recruits his former minion John Spencer-Wells and sets about creating “The Assembly for Middle England”.

This organisation – and I use the word advisedly – has many aims, few of them clear. The main one, however, appears to be his discovery that a Daily Mirror columnist and broadcaster has “stolen” the symbol of the Captain’s former employers.

Determined to retrieve the symbol for the good of the Commonwealth and Independent Television – the aims are a tad blurred, I must admit – he sets out on a number of schemes designed to bring it back into his possession.

This gets funnier as it goes along, honest.

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